


Civillian!Clint

by iloveitblue



Series: Prompts [48]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Clint is a Civillian, Established, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-24
Updated: 2015-03-10
Packaged: 2018-02-06 00:53:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1838440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iloveitblue/pseuds/iloveitblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Clint is not an avenger but is still married to Coulson</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

As with everything that goes wrong in Coulson’s life these days, it’s all Tony Stark’s fault. Coulson’s not sure how, but he’s managed to nab Fury along with the idea that Coulson needs to go and date again.

Which made absolutely no sense seeing as how he was already married but that didn’t seem to matter to them because here they were, yet again, trying to convince Coulson into going for a date. 

"Come on, Phil. I know it isn’t your usual style, but will you at least try?" Steve asks, as he and Tony trail him towards the elevator doors.

"There’s nothing to try." Coulson answers blandly.

"But this one’s perfect, I swear to God. and I’m not a very firm believer of God. so this is a big deal!" Tony tries.

"That just means that swearing on nothing, Mr. Stark."

Tony appears to be thinking about it for a second before… “Okay, fine. you’re right. But I’m telling you, this one’s perfect! I swear to- uhm.. I swear to Steve!”

"What? me?"

"Shush, spangles. Look, this one’s funny, snarky, easy to talk to, and doesn’t ask too many questions."

"So? that’s what you always try to find me. What makes this one so different?" Phil turns to them right in front of the elevator.

"This one’s a guy." Tony smirks. "Yeah. that’s right. we’ve finally got you figured out."

Coulson raises a brow that makes Tony jump a little. “If you think I’m going on another date with whoever you set me up with, just because you figured out my sexual preference, you’ve got another thing coming.”

"What’s stopping you then?" Steve asks and really, Coulson thought Steve would be the one to disapprove of extramarital affairs guess you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.

"I don’t know, Captain! My work?"

"JARVIS, Dial Nick Fury’s private line, would you?"

Phil sighs and waits for Nick’s voice to come through. “What is it now, Stark?” Nick sounded impatient.

"Hey, sweetie. Nice to hear from you too. Listen, I got Agent here a hot date and he refuses to go because of work. Can you maybe clear up his schedule for say Wednesday night?"

"Done."

"Wha- Nick!"

"Sorry, Cheese, You need to get laid. Stark might be a pain, but he knows how to get people laid."

"Speaking of which, Nick, how do you feel about-" The line went dead. Stark blinks twice and shrugs. "So?" He asks Coulson instead.

Phil rolls his eyes at him and steps into the elevator without another word.

—-

They were cuddling on the couch watching a terrible rerun of the Bachelor when Phil opened up the topic.

"So, Stark set me up on another date." 

Clint snorts. “Another one? who is it this time? Celebrity? Model?”

Phil’s brows furrowed. “I don’t know actually. I didn’t ask. He says it’s a guy.”

"Huh, so the genius finally caught on?"

"Guess so. It’s getting really annoying actually. They all want me to go into an extramarital affair. Even Nick. Can you believe that?" 

Clint hums. “Has it ever occurred to you that they might not know you’re married to an awesome guy?”

"You’re telling me, they don’t see the ring?"

Clint grins. “If it bothers you so much, then go on this date. Just to make them happy. then let the guy down easy. Maybe they’ll back off if you let them know that you’re not interested in dating in general.”

"You’ve obviously never met Stark." Phil snorts. "Do you really think that will get them to back off?" 

"It’s worth a try."

"And you don’t mind I go to a date with another man?"

"You really think anyone besides me, can handle all of this?" Clint gestures to all of Phil. "You’re stuck with me, bud. For good."

Phil grins at him then. 

"Besides, I trust you." Clint says as he leans up to give his husband a kiss.

—-

Tony practically jumped off of the roof when Phil told him he’d go to the date but deflated just as soon as Phil told him it was under the condition that If it doesn’t work, He’s never going to be set up by anyone ever again.

Tony agreed reluctantly but says one chance is all he needs.

—-

On Wednesday night, Phil felt like a kid being forced to eat his vegetables as he walked towards the table reserved for him and his date. 

When he saw his date though, Phil stopped in his tracks. “Clint?”

Clint stood up looking all smug and cocky, then outstretched his hand. “Hi. You must be Phil. Tony has told me so much about you!” 

Phil took the hand but the smile in retaliation was both annoyed and amused at his husband. “You knew about this.” Phil accuses as they both sat down.

Clint shrugs. “No reason to deny a free dinner courtesy of Tony Stark, now is there?”

Phil rolls his eyes at him. “You just wanted a reason to dress up.”

Clint waggles his eyebrows and grins at Phil. “I know how much you like it.” 

Phil laughs. “Wow. you’re so cheeky. What? you think you’re going to get laid tonight?”

"It may have crossed my mind a couple of times."

Phil scrunches up his nose. “I don’t know. I’m not supposed to be on this date right now, seeing as how I’m already married and I love my husband, very, very much.”

"I love you, too, Phil." Clint smiles, and he leans in closer to Phil just as Phil did, and their lips met.

There was a loud whoop from the other corner of the restaurant and Phil saw a rather muscly arm pull down a man wearing shades. 

Phil shakes his head, while Clint looks back and forth between Phil and the unruly table. Phil takes Clint’s hand with a soft “Come on.” and they walk toward the table with 5 people in it, all looking at their menus with utter concentration.

"Mr. Stark." Coulson says.

One of the menus fall flat against the table and Tony Stark grins at him. “Agent! What a coincidence!” Phil raises an eyebrow and Tony rolls his eyes behind the shades. “Okay, maybe not so much a coincidence.” The other 4 slowly dropped their menus as well. “So what did I tell you? Perfect right?”

Phil smiles, which either meant that things were really good, or really bad. “Perfect, yes. and with that, I’d like to officially introduce you all to Mr. Clint Barton, My husband.”

Both Steve and Tony stood up. “Wait, Husband?” They said in unison.

Phil’s brows furrowed and Clint huffs a laugh. “Told you, they didn’t know.”

"What did you think the ring was for?" Phil shows off his wedding ring.

"We thought it was just there as an accessory." Natasha supplies.

"Well, it’s not."

"This night has turned unexpectedly, and I think I speak for everyone when I say, we’d like to know more about this ‘husband’ character. Let’s grab you a few seats." Tony rambles.

"Are you sure you’re allowed to do that?"

"I should be since I own the place." Tony grins and the rest of the Avengers, yes, including Thor, rolls their eyes at him. "Heh. geddit?"


	2. Chapter 2

Tony’s conclusion was simple:

Phil Coulson needed to get laid.

Steve agreed, not in the one night stand kind of way because Steve believed that Phil wasn’t the type, but bottom line: He needed to find someone. And if Phil needed their help, then Steve wasn’t going to say no.

Except,  _Phil_  was the one who said no. 

Not just that, he looked insulted at the implication. That wasn’t at all the reaction Steve and Tony were going for, and Tony’s thrown models and celebrities Phil’s way. 

"What are we doing wrong?" Tony ran his hand through his hair, the holograms shining a soft blue on his skin. "We’ve considered every factor. Interest, body type, age-"

"Tony, maybe we should just stop interfering with his private life." Steve cut the genius off, knowing that if he didn’t Tony would go into a long dramatic monologue of some sort.

"Uh, how ‘bout no? I don’t do things halfway, Cap. We started this, so we’re finishing it. End of discussion." Tony looked over the list of women he had lined up for Coulson. 

Everyone shared the same common traits. Sassy, not privy, engaging, enjoys bad TV, funny, and blonde. Steve looked over the data with Tony, studying it, trying to find something he might have missed. They were all Phil’s type, unless the man lied about it when Steve had asked, so why the hell was Phil refusing all these gorgeous women flat out?

"Oh my god." Steve swore softly. "Tony. Phil could be gay. Maybe that-"

“ _That’s_  why he’s rejected every single one of them. He’s gay! Oh Hell, he couldn’t think to tell us? That asshole.”

—-

Tony was waiting in a queue in a coffee shop. The coffee machine in the tower is busted and he still needed to finish compiling a list of guys Phil could at least try and play nice with. He could’ve easily ordered one to have delivered to him, but Steve had goaded him into going to see what the outside world looked like, in case he already forgot. He finally found a coffee place that wasn’t a Starbucks and wasn’t crowded, Barton & Co., the sign proudly claimed.

His turn finally came up and he ordered two of the strongest coffee they had, biggest size, extra shot. Placed a fifty on the counter and deposited the change in the tip jar. 

He shuffled over to the other end of the counter where another guy was preparing his drinks. “Drinks for Tony?” The guy asked with a smile, Tony gave him a curt nod and was about to move away never to return when he noticed the guy again. Aesthetically, the guy was handsome. Blond, good built, looked friendly enough - Tony debated the risk of getting a lawsuit but decided fuck it, he really didn’t want to go back to analyze the compiled data.

He walked purposefully towards the end of the counter where the guy was. “Hey,”

"Yes? Is something wrong?" The guy asked.

"No, no. Everything’s fine. I just wanted to ask if you happened to be gay? or bi?" Tony said, without a bit of hesitation.

The guy’s brows bunched in confusion. “I’m sorry Mr. Stark but are you hitting on me?”Guess Tony shouldn’t really be surprised that the guy knew who he was.

"No. God, no. I have a girlfriend, thank you. I was trying to look for someone for my colleague. Great guy. I promise. But hopelessly single" 

"And what, you decided to pick up complete strangers from coffee shops for your colleague?" The guy said.

"No. It’s just that, you seem like his type and I was hoping to talk to you to see if you pass the other qualifications."

Tony really didn’t want to use the infamy card but the guy looked like he was about to refuse, so he blurted, “It’s the Avengers’ liaison.”

"Excuse me?"

"My colleague. He’s the Avengers’ liaison. You know, if that sweetens the pot."

The guy looked taken aback to say the least, “What did you say his name was?”

"Phil Coulson."

The guy smiled at Tony, “Kate, I’m taking my break.” The guy called out to the girl in the register. “I’m Clint Barton by the way, I own the place.” 

They got to talking and Steve even got to meet Clint after Tony fired him a quick text. Both Avengers found that Clint was absolutely perfect for Phil. Even fit Phil’s description to a T.

Turns out though, the reason behind that was because Phil  _was describing_ Clint. His husband. 


	3. An Alternative Prequel

"Hi, are you, by any chance, Phil Coulson?" Phil looks up from his glass of scotch to a pretty blonde with a beige dress. Phil stands up and gives her a smile as he holds out his hand. 

"You must be Lucinda." She beams and takes his hand. "Tony has told me good things about you."

"Same here." She nods at Phil.

"Shall we?" Phil holds out his arm for her to take. 

Phil might be gay, but he is still a gentleman and no matter what, he knows how to properly treat a lady. Besides, it was Clint who wanted him to go on this date.  _It would shut Stark up for a few weeks,_ he says. What about shutting him up forever on this matter? Does Clint have an answer for that?

Phil pulls out her chair for her when they reach their table and they devolve into mindless chitchat while they ate. Lucy,  _Lucinda makes me feel so old,_ is a lawyer, and her father and brother are both policemen while her mother worked for the military. So Phil being in a position where he’s not sure if he can make it home or not is not an issue. She’s also Stark Industries’ lead legal adviser, so that means she’s the best money can buy which means she can hold a conversation with Phil because she’s probably smart as a whip.

She’s also recommended by Tony Stark… which means there must be something wrong with her.

It’s not a slight against her or towards Tony Stark’s tastes. It’s just most of the women Tony has set Phil up with were less than ‘ _so perfect for Phil, it’s like they were a match made in heaven.’_  Mostly it was because they were women, and Phil is married, but even if those two weren’t an issue, there’s always something about them that trips up. There was one, a model, she  _could not_  stop talking - and mostly it was to complain about her job. The other one, the artist, was in the top 10 of FBI’s most wanted. The last one, the one before Lucy, she hated everything Phil liked and loved everything Phil hated. Exactly what were they supposed to talk about if there was a conflict of interest in every subject?

Okay, so maybe it is a little bit of a slight towards Tony Stark’s tastes.

"Listen, I’m sorry to ask, but is there something wrong with you?" Phil decided that blunt was the new black.

Lucy sort of choked on her wine before giggling and raising an eyebrow at Phil. “Excuse me?”

"It’s just that Tony Stark has a way of choosing not the best candidates. Not that you aren’t great, but-" Phil wasn’t lying. Lucy was great. She’s a great conversationalist, they had almost the same humor and she didn’t talk about her work  _at all_. “-see, Tony kind of saddled you with a married man tonight.”

Lucy’s eyes widened slightly and her grin got bigger. “That is so weird.” She started to pull the chain hanging from her neck and pulled out a dog tag along with a ring. “So am I.”

Phil chuckled. “There it is!” He raised his wine in cheers, and so did Lucy. 

The rest of the night, they talked about how they were only forced to go to these dates because Tony Stark would not let up. He wouldn’t listen to reason and the only way to actually shut him up was to agree.

They also talked about their spouses and agreed that they should do this again sometime because unlike most Tony Stark approved dates, this was actually good. Minus the both of them being already married part.

—-

"Where are you headed tonight?" Steve asked over his shoulder when he noticed Phil all dressed up and headed out. He rarely used his room in the tower and nobody knew why. The only times he did was when he needed a pretty suit from his closet here. Never mind actually sleeping on the bed.

"I’ve got a date." Phil grins.

"With Lucy?" Tony asks.

"Sort of."

"Am I good, or what?" Tony crosses his feet and puts them on the coffee table as he leaned back, enjoying a job well done.

"Or What." Phil answers him.

"Wait, what do you mean sort of?" Natasha asks him.

"I  _am_ going on a date with Lucy. It’s a double date. She’s going with her husband, and so am I.” Phil said, stepping into the elevator. 

He turned around just in time to see the Avenger’s faces confused and shocked at the declaration before the doors slid close. 

Something tells him it’s going to be a good night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/113252167011/im-watching-penguins-of-madagascar-hihihihi)

**Author's Note:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/89639287551/i-was-planning-to-post-at-least-2-yesterday-but)


End file.
